The Importance of Girlfriends

I’ve been reminded recently, that I have an amazing group of friends. Some of them don’t know each other and some of them may not like each other, but all of them have one thing in common - strength.  Every single one of these women is an amazingly strong soul. Each of them have courage and traits that I admire, (some traits I wish I had!), and I couldn’t imagine getting through life without them. There may be weeks that pass before I have a chance to talk with some of them, or months before I actually get to see them, but I always know they are there.

Several years ago, I never understood the importance of having girl friends. I was so busy running the kids around, and between baseball, soccer, dance, swim, horseback riding, and work, I thought I didn’t have time for “friends”. In fact, due to my own insecurities, I probably cut short a few friendships before they even had a chance to grow.  As I've matured I've learned that we women NEED girlfriends. They help us get through the best and worst of everything; friends are there patting our back or holding our hand when we need support, lifting our spirits when we are down, singing songs from the 80's with each other as loud as we can (just because that makes us happy).  There are also friends who are brave enough to tell us the ugly truths we don’t want to hear, but need to.

I do need to make more of an effort to see these women; a glass of wine here, a yoga class there, a hike on the C&O Canal Towpath, shopping, lunch. Work and after-school activities still gets in the way, more often than they should, but it’s always a blessing to know that my friends are there. I wish I were better at being a friend.  I tend to get caught up in my own little ADHD world, with a bazillion things going on in my mind.  I hope all of my friends know how much I appreciate them and that I will always be by their side, too.

I love my husband more than anything, and he is my best friend, but I need my girlfriends. My friends are like my family, except I got to pick them... or, you could say that I was lucky enough to be picked by them. I hope my daughter learns the importance of a good circle of girlfriends.

Over-Commited Saturdays

I have a tendency to do things spontaneously.  Fighting those “That sounds fun!  Let’s do it!” urges have definitely become easier to control in the past five years or so.  Of course, that doesn’t prevent me from still over-scheduling myself.  Skimming through a book [1] about diagnosing ADHD in adults, the following sentence jumped off of the page, slapped my face, and said “HELLLOOOO!  Does this sound familiar?”  

“Hyperactive ADHD adults often have an inner restlessness, staying overscheduled and often overworking.” 

Huh, no kidding?  There were other items in this book that were undeniably like me. For example, “…problems sustaining attention while in meetings, reading, or doing paperwork”, “…rapid changes of jobs…”.  I am painfully aware of the ants-in-my-pants syndrome, which cause things like tapping my feet while crocheting (even as a passenger in a moving car).  I am even more painfully aware that ADHD is genetic; my mother passed it on to me, and I passed it on to my daughter (I am so sorry, sweetie!) 

After today’s Solo and Ensemble Fest and Eastern Panhandle Conference Swim Meet were both canceled, I thought to myself “Yes! I can crochet a little and log into work”.  Then, I remembered, I have yoga; 2 ½ hours of it.  Yes, 2 ½ hours. 

Last weekend I had one of those spontaneous moments.  I read that one of the local studios had a Beginners Yoga series, consisting of 1 ½ hour classes on Saturdays, lasting for five weeks.  AWESOME!!!  I had missed the first class, but I called the studio and asked if I could still sign up.  They said that would not be a problem.  Woohoo!!  Two hours later, having paid for the series, I found myself enjoying the class… until the end.  The end, where I’m supposed to be relaxing, with my eyes closed, bringing peace to my soul.  Yeah, that’s where my eyes popped open and I realized that there was no way I could make the commitment of attending the rest of this series!!  I had swim meets to officiate at on Saturdays.  Instead of feeling calm, all I could feel was self-loathing and remorse.

What to do?  I guess I will go today, considering the instructor is meeting me an hour before the class begins to go over what I missed in the first class.  I won’t be able to go to the last two classes.  So much for trying to find peace, but this was a good reminder that I need to re-evaluate everything in my life.  How can I possibly expect to help Emma if I can’t even help myself?

Maybe this is something I can work on solving as I spend the next few hours in yoga - where I will also focus on how absolutely, completely out-of-shape I am now.  Here’s hoping I have some amazing revelation today, because I would love find time to finish some of the crocheting I've started.

Namaste, friends… and squirrels!

  

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[1] Understanding and Treating Adults With Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder

 By Brian B. Doyle

Happy Twenty-First Birthday, Derek!

Random reflections on the eve before your twenty-first birthday.

As a new momma, I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect child.  Almost from the day we brought you home, you slept through the night.  I remember the first night, when you woke up crying and I picked you up and nursed you back to sleep, your father looked at me through his sleep deprived eyes and asked me, “How do you know how to do that?” I didn’t know, it just happened.  It’s something natural and unexplainable.  

With your big eyes and happy smile, people were naturally drawn to you.  At that time, we lived in Okinawa, Japan, and one night a Japanese teenager was going door-to-door asking people to sign a petition for peace.  She was using broken English, trying to tell me what she was doing when she caught sight of you and screamed something in Japanese.  It was so funny!  She reached out to hold you (I was WAY too trusting back then) and she kept saying “Big eyes! Big eyes!”  The same thing happened when we took Nana to the the airport for her flight back to the States.  We were literally mobbed by Japanese locals who were so fascinated by you and your big eyes. I didn’t let them take you, but they Ah’d and Ooh’d at you, and talked to me in Japanese – me nodding my head excitedly as if I understood what they were saying.

 When I brought you back home to the States, you were an angel during that flight.  I heard so many children crying, but not my 6 week old infant. You slept for most of that 20 hour flight, and when you were awake, you cooed and smiled. I believe that was just a glimpse into the person you were going to become.

I was stationed at Camp Lejeune, NC and your papa was still in Okinawa.  As luck would have it, your “aunt” Tisha was living there with her husband.  I suddenly found myself blessed with a wonderful babysitter for you – money couldn’t buy that!  She didn’t have a crib, but you were completely content sleeping in a laundry basket or open drawer.  One of my favorite “stories” from this time, came from the daycare you attended a couple days each week.  You were sitting in the middle of the room with a bucket over your head, roaring.  Each time the teacher would call you, you would giggle and roar again.  In your toddler mind, you were invisible to them and you thought they believed you were a lion.

Flash forward to Frederick, Md where we lived in a townhouse neighborhood.  You were only three years old.  I was sitting on our front “stoop” and I heard you start screaming.  I ran over to where you were and you were sobbing about another boy who was going killed a “daddy long-leg”.  Relieved that you weren’t hurt and moved by your caring, I carried you home and try to explain that not everyone thought all creatures should share the earth with us.  A couple of years later, as we were driving over a mountain, you noticed a section of cleared land.  You asked why the trees were "knocked down".  When I told you the reason was to make room for new houses, you cried out "Where are the owls going to live?", seriously upset by this.

When you became a big brother, you were the best big brother ever!  You held Emma’s hand, helped her put her shoes one, hugged her, helped me chase her when she would take off running (which was often!)  Other parents used to compliment me on how kind you were and how loving you were to your sister.  Sometimes I feel guilty that we had to focus so much on Emma with her ear infections and anxiety/adhd meltdowns, but you always took everything in stride.

You made parenting easy.  Really!  You were involved in Key Club, summer, fall, and spring baseball, AP classes, Honors classes, National Honor Society, marching band, Jazz band, symphonic band, and you were even in a Ska band your senior year of high school, and you made it look easy. I miss those days. 

Here you are, about to turn twenty-one and I just can’t believe how quickly the time has flown by.   

Twenty-one years ago, in a Naval Hospital on Okinawa, Japan, I held a tiny, precious baby in my arms.  I didn’t think about the future, I didn’t think about what job you were going to do or what your major in college was going to be.  My only thought was about how much I loved you, and that hasn’t changed.  I love you absolutely and completely unconditionally. 

Happy Birthday!

                    

So talented, you made your own
 Pacman costume!

Not ashamed of your… 
soft side