I have a tendency to do things spontaneously. Fighting those “That sounds fun! Let’s do it!” urges have definitely become easier to control in the past five years or so. Of course, that doesn’t prevent me from still over-scheduling myself. Skimming through a book  about diagnosing ADHD in adults, the following sentence jumped off of the page, slapped my face, and said “HELLLOOOO! Does this sound familiar?”
“Hyperactive ADHD adults often have an inner restlessness, staying overscheduled and often overworking.”
Huh, no kidding? There were other items in this book that were undeniably like me. For example, “…problems sustaining attention while in meetings, reading, or doing paperwork”, “…rapid changes of jobs…”. I am painfully aware of the ants-in-my-pants syndrome, which cause things like tapping my feet while crocheting (even as a passenger in a moving car). I am even more painfully aware that ADHD is genetic; my mother passed it on to me, and I passed it on to my daughter (I am so sorry, sweetie!)
After today’s Solo and Ensemble Fest and Eastern Panhandle Conference Swim Meet were both canceled, I thought to myself “Yes! I can crochet a little and log into work”. Then, I remembered, I have yoga; 2 ½ hours of it. Yes, 2 ½ hours.
Last weekend I had one of those spontaneous moments. I read that one of the local studios had a Beginners Yoga series, consisting of 1 ½ hour classes on Saturdays, lasting for five weeks. AWESOME!!! I had missed the first class, but I called the studio and asked if I could still sign up. They said that would not be a problem. Woohoo!! Two hours later, having paid for the series, I found myself enjoying the class… until the end. The end, where I’m supposed to be relaxing, with my eyes closed, bringing peace to my soul. Yeah, that’s where my eyes popped open and I realized that there was no way I could make the commitment of attending the rest of this series!! I had swim meets to officiate at on Saturdays. Instead of feeling calm, all I could feel was self-loathing and remorse.
What to do? I guess I will go today, considering the instructor is meeting me an hour before the class begins to go over what I missed in the first class. I won’t be able to go to the last two classes. So much for trying to find peace, but this was a good reminder that I need to re-evaluate everything in my life. How can I possibly expect to help Emma if I can’t even help myself?
Maybe this is something I can work on solving as I spend the next few hours in yoga - where I will also focus on how absolutely, completely out-of-shape I am now. Here’s hoping I have some amazing revelation today, because I would love find time to finish some of the crocheting I've started.
Namaste, friends… and squirrels!
 Understanding and Treating Adults With Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
By Brian B. Doyle